12.11.07

Chat with Author Karon Goodman, Author of Stepping-Stones for Stepmoms

Posted in Perspectives, Books at 1:32 am by Dawn Miller

Scribe-in-arms, Karon Goodman has just published a new book, Stepping-Stones for Stepmoms: Everyday Strength for a Blended-Family Mom. I hope you enjoy this chat with Karon about her book:  

What was your goal in writing the book?
Perhaps all of my books begin as therapy for me, and this one is no exception. Over my years of stepmothering, I’ve found great comfort and guidance in reliance on my faith, and as I corresponded with stepmoms everywhere, I found they had a similar need for God’s grace and direction in dealing with a less than perfect steplife. I want “Stepping Stones for Stepmoms” to help the reader trust God unafraid and allow Him to help her become the very best stepmom she can be. I want the book to be an inspiration to stepmoms, to give them comforting hope and practical help, and to let them know they’re not alone.

What types of challenges do stepmoms run into on the personal and spiritual levels?
It seems that no matter how much we prepare beforehand, stepmotherhood is full of unexpected and sometimes frightening challenges. We’re sometimes surprised by the feelings of fear, resentment, anger, guilt, jealousy — and the struggle to find our place in a new family. It can be tough to be instant mom-figure to kids who may or may not like the situation while trying to get a new marriage going strong. At the same time, stepmoms may be dealing with the criticism or ridicule of others or new family members who don’t share their faith. I think the best thing stepmoms can do for themselves is draw heavily on their trust in God and rest in His saving grace as they work to reflect Him to everyone else. It helps to remember that whatever didn’t turn out well today is another chance to learn and grow to make tomorrow better. Stepmothering is a great venue for learning how very big God is! How do you think the book helps stepmoms deal with their challenging family relationships?
Along with the obvious reliance on God are immediate and practical ways that stepmoms can address the situations and feelings they face every day, and the short chapters explore such challenges as insecurity, despair and impatience, joy, insight and gratitude. The book looks at these issues with a present and future perspective to help the reader both now and later. Our lives include a whole bunch of people, and we have little control over them and their choices. However, we make our lives better when we learn how to work within the considerable power and control we have in areas such as our responsibility, our honesty, our courage and our forgiveness. The book encourages stepmoms to always keep their integrity in dealing with others and to remember the goals they’ve set for themselves, always working to create a peaceful and stable home for their families. 

Is there anything you wish you had included in the book, and weren’t able to include?
Of course, no book can address every issue or solve every problem, but I believe that “Stepping Stones for Stepmoms” is an inspiring and helpful guide for any stepmom. Ideally, it will provide immediate and specific help for the reader, empower her to make wise choices for herself and her family, and ultimately nourish her so that she can help and support the other stepmoms she meets. Stepmothering can feel like a very isolated world, so the more we learn, the more we can share with each other to make life better for ourselves and those who journey with us. 

Permalink 2 Comments

11.20.07

Blended Family Plans “Operation Defending the Holidays”

Posted in News, Stepmom Profiles at 7:57 pm by Dawn Miller

The Mahopac family is collecting oreos, socks, packaged drinks and other items to mail to U.S. troops stationed in Iraq. Initially the family started mailing care packages to Luke Rathschmidt, a 21-year-old soldier and family member who is stationed in Baghdad.

Luke pointed out to his 8 “blended” brothers and sisters that many of the troops don’t have anyone to send things to them - much less a huge supportive blended family. And “Operation Defending the Holidays” was born.

The family is collecting items through donation boxes in three towns and is also working with two VFW posts. They live in New York state.

Read more about their efforts.

Permalink 2 Comments

11.16.07

Family Holiday Stress: Ease into Transitions

Posted in News, Perspectives at 6:41 pm by Dawn Miller

There’s a great article in today’s Asbury Park Press on dealing with holiday traditions changing in famiiles dealing with remarriage, divorce or loss. It offers some good advice for blended families who are eager to embrace new traditions, but may not find the kids quite so enthuiastic:

“One of the problems with newly blended families is that parents are excited about pulling everyone together and may forget that the kids don’t match their level of enthusiasm,” says Mandelbaum.

“If you’re coming from a divorced or newly married situation, continue traditions that don’t infringe on others and create new ones to bond the family together. The stepparent and stepchild may even want to do something one on one, but take the child’s lead in that.”

One thing that I was not prepared for in blended family life was the level of negotiation that would occur around our holidays. I guess I figured we would just figure it out once and that would be it. Instead, every year is a jigsaw puzzle.

Permalink 2 Comments

11.07.07

Recent News: Blended Families & Weddings

Posted in News at 8:04 am by Dawn Miller

Check out these recent articles on blended families and weddings:

• Blended families can make weddings tricky
• Weekend wedding empties the nest
• Proper wedding etiquette

Links for stepfamily weddings

• TheStepfamilyLife - Wedding links
• I Do Take Two

Permalink Comments

09.28.07

CW’s “Life is Wild” Shows a Blended Family Trying to Bond

Posted in News at 8:33 pm by Dawn Miller

The premiere episode of ”Life is Wild” will air on Sunday, October 7th, and I’m already looking forward to it. By all accounts, the show will be a family-friendly portrayal of the pressures and dynamics of life in a blended family.

Veterinarian Danny, and his second wife, Jo, an attorney, flee their high-stress jobs in New York City catering to the city’s upper crust and haul their blended family of four children to a game reserve in South Africa for a year.

The two teenagers, Katie and her stepbrother, Jesse, agree that moving to South Africa was probably the worst idea their parents have ever come up with. Katie’s younger brother Chase, and Jesse’s plucky sister, Mia round out the step-siblings. Katie and Chase are still dealing with the death of their mother, while Jesse and Mia carry scars from their parents’ divorce.

The family moves into the rundown Blue Antelope Lodge, where Katie and Chase’s mother grew up and their grandfather still lives. A host of other characters offer new friendships and possibilities.

The blended family struggles to find common ground in an atmosphere removed from the pressures of life on the glittery concrete isle, and in a new environment that offers both challenges and hope.

Visit the show website for clips, plot summaries, and a fan area

Entertainment Weekly review

iVillage review

Permalink 1 Comment

09.24.07

Step-grandparents: Good Advice on Building Relationships

Posted in Perspectives at 11:29 pm by Dawn Miller

There’s a nice article in “Parents and Kids” out of Massachusetts offering advice for step-grandparents.

One point of note - the writer advises step-grandparents to treat step-grandchildren and grandchildren equally. This is a problem that many have written to me about seeking advice. I wish the author had offered more advice on this topic.

Advice on building a bond - suggesting that step-grandparents remember birthdays, and visit at special times of year - are all helpful.

The point is to try to build a relationship that is based on affection and respect between kids and their step-grandparents.

Permalink 10 Comments

09.19.07

Researchers Offer $200 to Qualified Stepfamily Members

Posted in Research About Stepfamilies at 4:53 pm by Dawn Miller

Stepfamilies - a new research study is offering $200 to parents and stepparents in blended families. I’m just the messenger on this one. I edited the opening paragraph for a run-on sentence that garbled the message. God bless the graduate students out there. Here goes:

The Oregon Center for Applied Science, Inc. with funding from the National Institutes of Health, is conducting a research study to evaluate the effectiveness of a new multi-media educational stepfamily program. It will train parents in stepfamily relationships in effective behavioral parenting and teach them how to deal with issues specific to stepfamilies.

We are currently working to recruit 300 stepparents, of diverse heritage and race, to participate in the study. Participants will try a new parenting educational program and fill out up to 3 online questionnaires.

Each participant will receive up to $200 for their time.

To qualify, participants must be…

- a Parent or stepfamily in a stepfamily
- married for 5 years or less to their current spouse
- share responsibility for a child 11-15 years old that lives with them at least part-time
- be able to read and understand English
- have not taken a parenting or stepparenting class in the last 3 months
- have an active email account and for the next 6 months computer access with a high-speed Internet connection
- reside in the U.S.

To see if you qualify go to: http://study.newstepfamily.com

Permalink Comments

07.24.07

Keeping in Touch With Kids Across the Miles

Posted in Dawn's Life, Kids Today at 7:58 am by Dawn Miller

I’m traveling for two weeks several states away from my family doing work for clients, so this article about keeping in touch with kids across the miles resonated with me.

You can plan imaginary trips, grow a garden together (yet apart), go nature sleuthing, or read a book together. There are some good ideas to encourage fun activities you can discuss long-distance, and many of the activities support educational growth and development. Many of the activities can be done by mail or e-mail.

I’m having a productive trip and also visiting my parents, but I’m glad that I’ll be home on Saturday. My husband stayed home to run our business and has enjoyed spending some extra time with his kids while I’ve been gone.

Permalink 1 Comment

07.15.07

When You Marry a Guy With Kids, It’s a Package Deal

Posted in News, Perspectives at 8:43 am by Dawn Miller

A divorced and remarried Dad recently wrote in to Ask Lisa with Philly Women seeking advice. His wife wants for the stepfather to adopt the Dad’s kids, so the Dad doesn’t have to pay child support. And he adds, part of why she is pushing for the adoption is so if anything happens to their Mom, the kids won’t have to live with them. He also says, ”she does not like my kids at all.”

Oh so much could be said about this. Oh so much.

Unbelievable. No wonder stepmothers get a bad rap! Are there actually women in this world who are this conniving, manipulative, and selfish? 

When you marry a guy with kids, he doesn’t stop being a dad because he’s married to you.

Admittedly - sometimes I don’t like my stepkids either - and I think my feelings are common to most stepparents. There are days I adore my stepkids and days I don’t. But we are a stepfamily and we are in this together. And yes, we pay child support and more. And sometimes it’s tough - really tough - and I wonder what I signed up for when I got into this. But I knew up front that he was a Dad, and that would never change. Period.

Chopping the kids out of Dad’s life legally, financially, and emotionally is not a solution to the wife’s insecurities.

Bravo to Lisa of Ask Lisa for Philly Women, for writing back that his wife needs counseling and advice on how to deal with the demands of a bldended family, and suggesting that the Dad spend more time with his kids.

Permalink 7 Comments

07.12.07

MTV Seeks Children of Divorce Ages 16-28 for Blended Family Reality Show

Posted in News at 4:19 am by Dawn Miller

Thanks to Step by Step, for letting us know about the MTV casting call for children of divorce ages 16-28 for a new reality show about life in blended families.

Read the casting call.

One can only hope that MTV does a better job than ABC of showing life in blended families.

To sign up, contact blended@mtvstaff.com

Permalink Comments