Comments for thestepfamilylife.com Blog

Comment on Stepmom Profiles: Holly, a Stepmom, Mom, and Military Spouse by jeanne

jeanne — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:04:20 +0000

i am 28 and i joined a military family of 3 boys. 2 going into the teens and a younger one around 7. dad is active duty but has not been deployed anywhere just yet. im glad that i had this time to become a family and to see what im up against once he is away. i take care of punishing the boys until i need dad to step in. we work well together. the middle son is one im having a hard time with. he has a huge heart and very loving. but he is very negative. im sure it was from his biological mom issues and dad getting divorced but he is. it sometimes scares me how it seems to him everyone is out to get him and nothing goes right. is this a phase that will pass. he is seeing someone that works with military and diviorce. any suggestions. we go to church and pray. this is new for them and they love it. we play family games and they have chores with allowence. rewards and there is punishing for not following the rules.

Comment on Seven Years to Blend? Yup! by Diana Keough

Diana Keough — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:51:06 +0000

This is such an encouraging blog for blended families, and families going through the strains of finding out how to get along with each other! I have added a Blended Families community on my website, shareWIK (share What I Know) and would love your input! ShareWIK is an online community bringing together people of all areas of expertise so that they can share what they know. Keep up the great work, and we would love to hear from you!

Comment on Step-grandparents: Good Advice on Building Relationships by Skye

Skye — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:06:37 +0000

My husband has an older son by his first wife, we have four children together. The problem his my husbands sister, she favours his older child who is 20. They are all her nieces and newphews! She gives the oldest 50 notes for Christmas and the same on his birthday. Mine got 10 notes for their birthdays and at Christmas they got nothing! She is a bitch and she will be lonely later on in life…my children don’t know she does this but when they do I know they will feel terrible.

Comment on Father’s Day: Remember the Stepdads by Chris Bell

Chris Bell — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:55:15 +0000

“Stepdads must walk the fine line of being a parental figure in the family without trying to replace the children’s biological dad. Even if the biological father has been irresponsible and neglectful, a successful stepfather bites his tongue and does not try to take the father’s place.”

I dont agree with the statement. When I met my wife her son was 3 months old. I have always treated him as if he was mine own and he has always treated me as a dad. My wife likes to state that sperm(or the reverse an egg) does not make a dad or a mom.

In my situation the real father was never involved with my son and chose not to be involved. So in my situation I did take the father’s place. However it was not until I adopted my son did I feel I could sleep at night and I quickly put to bed the demon that brouht the fear of the biologgical father trying to kidnap him from me.

Now my son is 18 and he knows that if he wants to talk with his natural father and grandparents I wont stop him. I know in my heart that neither sperm nor an egg makes you a mom or a dad. For me it is all the good times and the sad times that you and the child go threw. Its the late night trips to the ER when your child has a fever of 104 to the 2 of you sitting around a campfire. to me that is what makes a dad or mom.

Comment on Seven Years to Blend? Yup! by SaraLime

SaraLime — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 16:20:47 +0000

Your writings have saved me!! I found your “Stepmom friends” 2 nights ago when I was up thinking about how hard all this is…

I am a childless stepmom to 2 boys from 2 different mothers, double the headache and double the trouble!

I am about 8 years younger than all the parents and get the shit (sorry for language) end of the stick ALL the time. Im running low on energy…
3 years of this now and Im pretty sure I will NEVER be okay with the “extended family”

However, your writings are a blessing and calming source of relief for me…

Thank you…

Comment on FOE President & Stepmother Speaks about the History of Mother’s Day by jonathan

jonathan — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:22:27 +0000

It is never an easy job for stepmoms, unless the children are still kids. Should be ready for whatever the reaction when you enter a new family. Refusal is normal.

Comment on Stepmom Profiles: Holly, a Stepmom, Mom, and Military Spouse by Amy

Amy — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 20:20:42 +0000

I’ve always thought it would be so hard to be a stepmom AND military spouse at the same time. Bravo to Holly for sure!

Comment on Father’s Day: Remember the Stepdads by Gingerchapel

Gingerchapel — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:25:56 +0000

Anybody doubting the power a stepfather can have should see this video of Steeler’s Headcoach Mike Tomlin dedicating his superbowl win to his stepfather. As a stepmom, it made me tear up a little.

Comment on Stepfamily Teens Don’t Do As Well in School, Says Study by Murray

Murray — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 04:43:07 +0000

The study has something valuable to say as do the others who have posted. I am a teacher and do find that the students who struggle are all in very difficult circumstances – often involving family breakdown.

In my case, my wife and I have two 18 year old boys, two 15 year old girls and my youngest, a 13 year old boy. Her two all the time and mine half the time every two weeks (two on/two off) Also one of us African, one North American. My kids are struggling right now with feeling they belong here and I may have helped create the problem. I am hopeful that we will work it out and cooler heads will prevail. All, except my oldest, are doing quite well at school. Thanks for the info.

Oh… When looking for a lawyer in order to finalize my divorce, one told me that 75 % of blended families with each spouse bringing children fail. I didn’t hire him. Love and hope.

Comment on Step-grandparents: Good Advice on Building Relationships by Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:43:21 +0000

I am going through a similar experience with my in-laws. I have a 15yo son and a 15yo stepson. My husband and I have been married for 11 years so the boys were almost 4 yo when we got married. His family has never accepted my son. They leave him out of everything, forget him on holidays, don’t even say hi to him when they come over (They live a block away from us). Meanwhile they shower their BG with money, bikes, video games, trips out to movies etc. My parents and my ex’s parents treat my stepson exactly the same as my son. When we have tried to talk to my husband’s parents about it they say they refuse to change because their BG is special and they want to let him know. Meanwhile my son is made to feel unspecial. My sister-in-law is the same. I am expected to treat her two children as my niece and nephew yet she only acknowledges her biological nephew, not mine. Where as my brother treats the two boys the same–as his nephews. It is really irritating and although my husband does try he caves to his parents and make excuses for them. For example…he brought it up to them that when they stopped by the other day they didn’t bother to say goodbye to my son or acknowledge him–they said that they are only human and occassionally forget…of course that was the day they brought 100 dollars by for their BG. I can’t make sense out of it since my son has been in this family for 11 years and in all that time they have never made a single effort. I feel no matter what these types of spiteful people will just continue to be just that. They will withhold their love for other children because they are petty and evil. I wish all of you the best of luck!