11.20.07

Blended Family Plans “Operation Defending the Holidays”

Posted in News, Stepmom Profiles at 7:57 pm by Dawn Miller

The Mahopac family is collecting oreos, socks, packaged drinks and other items to mail to U.S. troops stationed in Iraq. Initially the family started mailing care packages to Luke Rathschmidt, a 21-year-old soldier and family member who is stationed in Baghdad.

Luke pointed out to his 8 “blended” brothers and sisters that many of the troops don’t have anyone to send things to them - much less a huge supportive blended family. And “Operation Defending the Holidays” was born.

The family is collecting items through donation boxes in three towns and is also working with two VFW posts. They live in New York state.

Read more about their efforts.

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11.16.07

Family Holiday Stress: Ease into Transitions

Posted in News, Perspectives at 6:41 pm by Dawn Miller

There’s a great article in today’s Asbury Park Press on dealing with holiday traditions changing in famiiles dealing with remarriage, divorce or loss. It offers some good advice for blended families who are eager to embrace new traditions, but may not find the kids quite so enthuiastic:

“One of the problems with newly blended families is that parents are excited about pulling everyone together and may forget that the kids don’t match their level of enthusiasm,” says Mandelbaum.

“If you’re coming from a divorced or newly married situation, continue traditions that don’t infringe on others and create new ones to bond the family together. The stepparent and stepchild may even want to do something one on one, but take the child’s lead in that.”

One thing that I was not prepared for in blended family life was the level of negotiation that would occur around our holidays. I guess I figured we would just figure it out once and that would be it. Instead, every year is a jigsaw puzzle.

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11.07.07

Recent News: Blended Families & Weddings

Posted in News at 8:04 am by Dawn Miller

Check out these recent articles on blended families and weddings:

• Blended families can make weddings tricky
• Weekend wedding empties the nest
• Proper wedding etiquette

Links for stepfamily weddings

• TheStepfamilyLife - Wedding links
• I Do Take Two

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09.28.07

CW’s “Life is Wild” Shows a Blended Family Trying to Bond

Posted in News at 8:33 pm by Dawn Miller

The premiere episode of ”Life is Wild” will air on Sunday, October 7th, and I’m already looking forward to it. By all accounts, the show will be a family-friendly portrayal of the pressures and dynamics of life in a blended family.

Veterinarian Danny, and his second wife, Jo, an attorney, flee their high-stress jobs in New York City catering to the city’s upper crust and haul their blended family of four children to a game reserve in South Africa for a year.

The two teenagers, Katie and her stepbrother, Jesse, agree that moving to South Africa was probably the worst idea their parents have ever come up with. Katie’s younger brother Chase, and Jesse’s plucky sister, Mia round out the step-siblings. Katie and Chase are still dealing with the death of their mother, while Jesse and Mia carry scars from their parents’ divorce.

The family moves into the rundown Blue Antelope Lodge, where Katie and Chase’s mother grew up and their grandfather still lives. A host of other characters offer new friendships and possibilities.

The blended family struggles to find common ground in an atmosphere removed from the pressures of life on the glittery concrete isle, and in a new environment that offers both challenges and hope.

Visit the show website for clips, plot summaries, and a fan area

Entertainment Weekly review

iVillage review

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07.15.07

When You Marry a Guy With Kids, It’s a Package Deal

Posted in News, Perspectives at 8:43 am by Dawn Miller

A divorced and remarried Dad recently wrote in to Ask Lisa with Philly Women seeking advice. His wife wants for the stepfather to adopt the Dad’s kids, so the Dad doesn’t have to pay child support. And he adds, part of why she is pushing for the adoption is so if anything happens to their Mom, the kids won’t have to live with them. He also says, ”she does not like my kids at all.”

Oh so much could be said about this. Oh so much.

Unbelievable. No wonder stepmothers get a bad rap! Are there actually women in this world who are this conniving, manipulative, and selfish? 

When you marry a guy with kids, he doesn’t stop being a dad because he’s married to you.

Admittedly - sometimes I don’t like my stepkids either - and I think my feelings are common to most stepparents. There are days I adore my stepkids and days I don’t. But we are a stepfamily and we are in this together. And yes, we pay child support and more. And sometimes it’s tough - really tough - and I wonder what I signed up for when I got into this. But I knew up front that he was a Dad, and that would never change. Period.

Chopping the kids out of Dad’s life legally, financially, and emotionally is not a solution to the wife’s insecurities.

Bravo to Lisa of Ask Lisa for Philly Women, for writing back that his wife needs counseling and advice on how to deal with the demands of a bldended family, and suggesting that the Dad spend more time with his kids.

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07.12.07

MTV Seeks Children of Divorce Ages 16-28 for Blended Family Reality Show

Posted in News at 4:19 am by Dawn Miller

Thanks to Step by Step, for letting us know about the MTV casting call for children of divorce ages 16-28 for a new reality show about life in blended families.

Read the casting call.

One can only hope that MTV does a better job than ABC of showing life in blended families.

To sign up, contact blended@mtvstaff.com

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06.12.07

Yours, Mine & Ours: Can One Kid Sabotage a Couple?

Posted in News, Kids Today at 9:15 am by Dawn Miller

Entertaining story in the Globe & Mail about a common blended family dilemma - can the ire and animosity of one fickle child capsize a fledgling romantic relationship for Mom?

You betcha. A therapist and stepfamily expert offer helpful advice to our aspiring blended family, but says there’s hope that everyone will learn to get along:

“There is a reason that second marriages have a high rate of failure,” she says, “and that certainly can be because of kids.” Indeed, the situation with Cindy has set this relationship close to the breaking point. Boyfriend says that “it was a tough call for a while” when the problem started, as he increasing felt “not welcome in the family.”

“Remembering that it takes between two and five years for a blended family to gel can help couples stay balanced,” says Ms. Stephens. She also recommends “lowering your expectations that you’ll have a happily ever after family with a yours, mine and ours chemical formula.”

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05.30.07

Blending Two Families Into One

Posted in News, Research About Stepfamilies at 11:03 pm by Dawn Miller

A laurel goes to the Cape Cod Times for recently publishing a positive story about finding ways to blend two families into one. Too bad the reporter didn’t ask how the Census Bureau assigns people to the categories, as the numbers she reports are far below the national averages. She might have found out that many of the children counted as living with a single parent are really living in a shared custody arrangement and therefore the U.S. Census Bureau actually under-estimates the number of stepfamilies.

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05.29.07

So Parenting is Hard? Stepparenting is Harder!

Posted in News at 9:15 pm by Dawn Miller

Check out this article in the Republican in Massachusetts about stepmom Nancy J. Kotowitz, who offers a curriculum to help stepfamilies and lots of helpful advice. I especially liked this suggestion:

She recommends that parents in blended families take on “an attitude of gratitude” toward each other. They should not take for granted the usual male-female roles in which Dad coaches the kids in baseball and Mom does their laundry. As single parents, after all, they were doing everything. So thank the spouse often for shouldering part of the load.

After you have cleaned the kitchen counter for the umpteenth time, moved heaven and earth to whip out a yummy and nutritious dinner, offered advice on a school project, loaded/run/unloaded the dishwasher twice in one afternoon, loaned your car to one of his children who thinks that driving Dad’s car is too embarrassing, and done 5 loads of laundry - that little thank you from your spouse can mean a lot.

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05.24.07

Any Way You Spell Mom…

Posted in News at 10:00 pm by Dawn Miller

Kudos to the Alameda Sun for writing an outstanding editorial on the value of mothering, “Any Way You Spell Mom, It Means the Same Thing.” Editors wrote:

Although in fiction most stepmothers have had a bad reputation for being “evil,” in reality the role of stepmother is as challenging as the role of birth mother. Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. Another common term is blended family.

Some people are raised by grandmothers, aunts, family friends, foster parents or older siblings. No matter who has played the role of “mother” in a person’s life, Mother’s Day is always a good day to thank that person.

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