07.24.07

Keeping in Touch With Kids Across the Miles

Posted in Dawn's Life, Kids Today at 7:58 am by Dawn Miller

I’m traveling for two weeks several states away from my family doing work for clients, so this article about keeping in touch with kids across the miles resonated with me.

You can plan imaginary trips, grow a garden together (yet apart), go nature sleuthing, or read a book together. There are some good ideas to encourage fun activities you can discuss long-distance, and many of the activities support educational growth and development. Many of the activities can be done by mail or e-mail.

I’m having a productive trip and also visiting my parents, but I’m glad that I’ll be home on Saturday. My husband stayed home to run our business and has enjoyed spending some extra time with his kids while I’ve been gone.

Permalink 1 Comment

06.05.07

New Column: Losing the Weight, Cranking Up Your Diet and Attitude

Posted in Dawn's Life, Dawn's Writing at 8:06 pm by Dawn Miller

I’ve got a new column out about my efforts to lose weight and get in shape. Here it is:

If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and wondered how did I let the weight get to this point? How did I let my health become an afterthought? What can I do now to get myself out of this mess? Then you know where I am right now.

As I looked at my pudgy out-of-shape body in the mirror, I wondered how I had allowed my weight to creep so high. I was at the heaviest point in my 36-year-old life – with a body mass index qualifying me as obese. My older thinner clothes ended up in a tidy box – set aside for “someday” when I got around to losing weight.

I had rationalized stress eating with the demands of a blended family, career, and (like everyone else) my all-around busy life. In a catty moment, I figured hey, I was still skinnier than my husband’s ex-wife (not by much). Now here I was – heavy, out-of-shape, and unhappy about it. So here’s what I’ve done to start my diet:

Ease into better eating. Five weeks ago, I began gradually changing my eating habits. It was small steps at first – a declined extra helping, more water all the time, a switch to fruit for snacks, and the occasional walk around the block to clear my head. At business lunches with dessert, I still ate a little dessert and even rolls. Unlike my previous yo-yo diets, I didn’t feel deprived or like I was giving up anything. I lost 9 pounds in five weeks without making any major changes.

Reflect on your eating habits and why you ate what you ate. I’m a sugar addict and have quite a sweet tooth. Bad habits and stress eating did it. There were days working in downtown Washington where I would eat a bagel with cheese for breakfast, a greasy lunch with fries, and have two large whole milk lattes with flavor shots – imagine all those extra calories (not to mention the expense)! And then I’d get home exhausted from an hour and a half commute to eat a big dinner.

Start moving and get some exercise in a positive atmosphere. My fitness level was so bad, that just walking a mile and a half winded me. I was mortified to realize how bad I had let things slide. At a charity auction, I bought a cheap month-long membership for a lush women-only gym. I expected to see stick-thin Stepford Wives perched on the treadmills sneering down at me the first time I lumbered in - but instead found women of all sizes at all sorts of fitness levels. There was no judgment. Just encouragement.

Take it to a new level. And then it got more serious than just how I felt about myself and the box of clothes I can’t wear. During my last visit, my ob/gyn told me that I need to lose weight before we go to the fertility clinic for in-vitro fertilization. She ran through a long litany of potential problems if I get pregnant carrying extra weight – like gestational diabetes, stillbirth, and complications that could endanger my health and our child.

The doctor’s words gave me a new surge of motivation and she put me on a high protein and low-carb diet. So now the game is on and the diet is moving up a notch. When my month at the fitness palace ends, I’ll switch to the freebie gym that’s part of our homeowner’s association benefits. Look out weight – you’re coming off!

Permalink 1 Comment

05.23.07

Stepfamily Finances: The Giant Stressor

Posted in Dawn's Life, Dawn's Writing at 1:01 pm by Dawn Miller

My new column talks about stepfamily finances, and I’ve already started receiving email about it. This is a hot-button issue for many stepfamilies, who often find themselves financially linked to an ex-spouse, and facing money challenges.

Permalink 1 Comment

05.13.07

Stepmoms: Happy Mother’s Day

Posted in Dawn's Life at 10:55 pm by Dawn Miller

Hi Stepmoms,
I hope you had a great Mother’s Day. We celebrated a major milestone today. My oldest stepson graduated from college! It was wonderful to hear them call his name and to see him cross the stage in his cap and gown to get his diploma. We are so proud of him. After a photo session with the family camera and lunch for 7 to celebrate, we headed back to his apartment to pack up his stuff and load up our cars, and then drove back home.

After getting up at 3am to drive 3 hours to the ceremony and spending nearly a full day in a college town, plus the drive home, we were exhausted. However, even with all the graduation hububb going on, the skids still remembered M-day. I was delightfully surprised to get a digital photo frame. It included photos of me with each kid, and has a sweet Mother’s Day message. I was majorly impressed! It was a great Mother’s Day.

Permalink Comments

05.09.07

Get jiggly in my new column

Posted in Dawn's Life, Dawn's Writing at 10:47 pm by Dawn Miller

I’ve got a new column out on hitting the jell-o phase as a family. Thank goodness, we’re jiggly. I hope you are too.

Permalink 2 Comments

05.04.07

Salary Savings: What’s the Value of a Stepmom?

Posted in Dawn's Life, News at 3:20 pm by Dawn Miller

The How to Change the World blog mentioned yesterday a Reuters story highlighting research from Salary.com that shows that stay-at-home moms should be earning $138,095 for their efforts. The research is based on input from 26,000 stay-at-home moms and 14,000 mothers working outside the home.

The blog mentioned that Salary.com has a neat salary tool for moms (it works for stepmoms too) that you can use to estimate your contribution to your family. You input the types of activities you are doing to help your family - the housekeeping, the kid hauling, the scheduling - and it calculates what your efforts are worth.

Just for fun - I ran the numbers, and found that I am contributing $77,000+ a year annually to my blended family, on top of my paid salary!

Permalink Comments

04.30.07

Edline: A New Tool to Help Families Track School Progress

Posted in Dawn's Life, News at 10:12 am by Dawn Miller

Although it is apparently the bane of existence for teens, I was happy to read this morning in the Washington Post about Edline, a service that lets families track the daily progress of a student. You can go online to find out about your child’s daily quizzes and school progress.

In many stepfamilies, communication about school issues can be difficult. Report cards can be lost or withheld, and contribute to conflict between households. A shifting custody schedule means that even if you helped a child study for a test, you might not find out the end result for a week. Getting report cards out of my husband’s kids and his ex-wife has not always been easy for us. I’ve offered tips to help stepfamilies communicate more effectively with schools.

A service like Edline offers a new tool for families seeking to be involved in their children’s lives and schooling. Instead of waiting for the report card to arrive crumpled and in the bottom of a backpack, you can log onto a website and track their progress on a daily basis. Like any tool, micro-managing a child’s education can be overdone and taken to an unhealthy extreme, but the Edline service may take some stress out of school communication and help families be more involved in their children’s lives.

Permalink 2 Comments

04.24.07

Dealing with Picky Eaters: Helping Our Kids Eat Better

Posted in Dawn's Life at 5:52 pm by Dawn Miller

Dealing with picky eaters is a logistical challenge moms and stepmoms alike are familiar with. When I first became a stepmom a few years ago, I got my very own picky eater - my middle stepson, who is now 19.

This kid won’t eat spaghetti, lasagna or anything in a casserole. He eats lettuce, ranch dressing, pizza, hamburgers, chicken, steak, french fries, a particular flavor of ramen noodle, bread, pancakes, bacon, candy, potato chips, ice cream, cookies, and cake. He recently added mashed potatoes to his repertoire. Forget the fancy veggies, fruit, seafood of any variety, or funky salads.

I’ve developed a repertoire of menus that I can cook and generally keep everyone happy, but because of our picky eater, certain things just aren’t cooked the nights he is over for dinner. And I know he’s not getting the right mix of foods in his diet. So what’s a stepmom to do - other than nag?

I’ve gotten him to try one or two new things - but I don’t think I’ve done enough to encourage healthy eating with my stepchildren. And I’m not alone. The Washington Post’s Sally Squires wrote today about efforts to help children eat healthier food. She mentioned several efforts by school districts to clear the junk food off the menu.

The Kids Health website offers doctor-approved advice on all sorts of children’s health issues, including fitness and nutrition. There’s also recipes for kids who are home alone afterschool, and for kids who have celiac disease, diabetes, cystic fibrosis, or lactose intolerance. The federal government in the U.S. revised the trusty food pyramid, and the pyramid website offers advice on what we should be eating through a personalized plan. For younger kids, the site also includes a simplified pyramid flier and poster.

Permalink 3 Comments

04.09.07

The Girls’ Day (and Night) of Fun

Posted in Dawn's Life at 8:40 am by Dawn Miller

One of my long-term (I hate to say old - we are not old - we are mid-30s) girlfriends from high school came to visit last weekend. When she called mid-afternoon on Friday to say the job fair was shutting down and she’d be getting back to the house early - I started bouncing around the house like a kindergartener on the last day of school.

In spite of the chilly weather, we headed out to Leesburg - a slice of smalltown Americana. We hunted in vain for the Leesburg Independent bookstore - it apparently closed or is moving - but we enjoyed the hunt and strolled the quaint streets. I bought adorable little Easter buckets for the skids at Mrs. Tate’s Bake Shop and Tea Room. They are teenagers - but I still think they should get something special for Easter. Heck, my Mom still mails me an Easter basket.

Next to the old-style theater - we stopped at Market Street Coffee - one of those wonderful independent coffee houses with art that oozes warmth and caffeine. We snared comfy armchairs next to the fireplace and chatted for an hour and a half. The talk turned to family life - and it struck me how very differerent our lives are. In high school we met in Latin Class ironically - and we lived together while I was in grad school and she was working. She went on to join the military and is now about to finish a graduate degree in international relations. She’s single and has tons of options in front of her.

I feel more tied-down than she is, but can’t say I really mind. I recently decided to put finishing my doctorate on hold for one more year because I can’t leave my family for four months during my stepdaughter’s senior year of high school. And unfortunately right now finishing means packing up and moving back to the University 700 miles away for four months this fall or spring - and I just can’t bear to be away from my family like that this year. This might be the last year she lives with us.

It’s amazing to me how my identity as a stepmom has shifted some of my priorities. I’m still the same person - an idealist who likes working with charities and thinks ordinary people can change things. I still love to write and do publicity. But my priorities have changed. A few years ago - saying that I was delaying my doctorate to spend time with my family would have sounded like sacrilege. Back home at the kitchen table - we stayed up late with my husband over a bottle or two of wine - enjoying the night and talking. It’s funny how you can see an old friend and just re-connect like time hasn’t passed.

We headed into Washington, DC on Saturday for “The Girls’ Day of Fun.” We wanted to see the Spy Museum, but tickets were sold out. Conveniently across the street, was the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery, so we headed inside to admire the presidential portraits (for history buffs - this was our idea of fun - I know, my stepchildren will call this - quite sad), including this lovely portrait of George Washington. We enjoyed a leisurely seafood lunch.

Then we walked over to the National Mall and visited the new(er) National Museum of the American Indian. The best thing we saw was their exhibit of dresses by Native American women. The beadwork and decoration was absolutely exquisite. I was blown by the exhibit and the voices of these women artists, and also fascinated with how they are applying their traditional artwork and beading to family life today. See the example at left of a dress, covered with elk teeth.

Completely tuckered out, we went home for a light dinner, and I started cooking for my planned Easter extravaganza. Easter dinner was a spread worthy of Martha Stewart. The skids bounced around even before the homemade cheesecake, but it was fun. My friend packed some ham sandwiches for the road, and headed back to the grad school grind. She emailed me later how much she enjoyed her trip, and didn’t realize until she got home how badly she needed some down time from her rapid fire routine of school and work.

With everyone gone - hubby and I took a 3 hour nap. All of that fun wore me out.

Permalink Comments

04.04.07

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

Posted in Dawn's Life at 10:26 am by Dawn Miller

Oprah has Gayle - I have Susan - my stepmom friend who offers a sympathetic ear. Stepmomhood is infinitely better with friends.

One of my old friends from high school is coming to visit today and driving in from the northeast. She’s about to finish grad school and is a finalist for a big fellowship - so she’s coming to DC to interview. I'’m so proud of her. 

She’s a grad student who works at Starbucks - and is staying through Easter weekend with us, so I like to cook good food when she visits. I know she lives on fast food and coffee most of the time. I’m making lasagna for dinner tonight. We’ll do Maundy Thursday dinner at church on Thursday night. Skids will be in and out the whole weekend probably and also around and eating.

Still haven’t figured out what to cook for Easter dinner. None of our family is big into ham - pushing the leftovers is always difficult. I’m a bit scared of lamb. Perhaps a nice beef roast will work. And I don’t know what the kids’ mom is doing for Easter dinner this year - so if she’s doing a big dinner at noon, then I might just do a big breakfast instead.

I am looking forward to some fun girl time for Saturday - maybe a stroll by the DC tidal basin cherry tress, or a visit to the national zoo’s baby panda. They say the storm today and accompanying cold snap will do in the cherry blossoms, but I’m hoping a few will stick around.

Permalink 3 Comments