05.10.09
FOE President & Stepmother Speaks about the History of Mother’s Day
Fraternal Order of Eagles Grand Madam President Pat Durham has experience as a working stepmother from her marriage to a widower with three young boys. She understands the juggling act that mothers (and stepmothers) carry out everyday. Now she travels more than 300 days a year while maintaining relationships with her stepchildren and grandchildren.
The Fraternal Order of Eagles presented the first call for a special day for Moms in 1904. Ten years later, President Woodrow Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day. Below are her reflections on life as a stepmother.
1. Can you tell me about your role as a stepmother to 3 young boys in a blended family? How did you adjust to your role as a stepparent? Can you think of a particular situation that was challenging, but that you persevered through?
My role was to be supportive. I didn’t have any children to blend into the family, so it was unique in that respect. I wondered when I came into the family, not having ‘had any children, how I would do. I became involved in their lives and took a back seat to the discipline and let my husband take care of that. If anyone especially did anything that was personal to me, then I handled it. I didn’t have any particular challenging situation except to me as I was married for the first time at 42, and absorbed into a family with teenage boys. I didn’t have a clue about how to raise teenagers, so it was a learning experience for me as well.
2. What are your relationships with your stepchildren like now?
We are one big family and they accept me as their mother and treat me as such. I receive Mother’s Day cards, etc. We have two grandchildren and they call me grandma, etc. All is well.
3. We know you travel 300 days a year in your work with FOE, how do you stay close to your family while on the road? Any tips you would like to share? Does technology help you stay in touch?
I call my husband each night when I am on the road and we share what has happened during our days. Since I travel with a computer at my side, I also keep in touch with the boys through e-mail.
4. What role did the Fraternal Order of Eagles have in establishing Mother’s Day?
During an Eagles Memorial Service in 1904, Past Eagles Grand Worthy President Frank E. Hering’s keynote address is recognized as the “First Public Plea” for a day to honor mothers. It was through the Eagles that the concept for Mother’s Day first spread across the country. FOE members worked with Mother’s Day advocate Anna Jarvis to encourage adoption of a special day for all mothers across the nation. Members contacted their congressman and made public statements to support the cause. Our efforts paid off when on May 10, 1914, President Woodrow Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.
5. As a stepmother and grandmother, how do you feel about Mother’s Day?
I enjoy Mother’s Day and think it is a wonderful day for moms to be recognized for all they do for their families.
6. Is there any other advice you would like to offer stepmoms?
As a stepmom, don’t try to reorganize a family. Be there when needed and offer advice that you think is important, but leave the discipline, etc. to the father. If you have a problem with the children, discuss the appropriate action to take with the father before you do it. You will only be resented if you try to interfere too much. Be loving and kind and be a shoulder to cry on if things get difficult for the children. Make them feel that they can come to you with their problems and that you will listen and offer advice if they want it. Each child is different and you must get to know them as individuals.
