06.15.07
Huffington Post: Resisting the Urge To Diss Your Ex When Your Kids Visit on Father’s Day
There was a great post yesterday by Jill Brooke on Huffington Post about Resisting the Urge To Diss Your Ex When Your Kids Visit on Father’s Day. Brooke discusses how tempting it is to trash the ex-husband in front of your child, how hard it can be to handle your personal pain after a divorce, and how damaging badmouthing the other parent can be to your child’s self-concept.
She shares a great poem (from Jeannette Lofas with the Stepfamily Foundation) that illustrates the point:
My Mom says my Dad’s no good.
My Dad says my Mom’s no good,
I guess I must be no good.
So watch what you say in front of your kids. Count to 10, 20, and even 30 if you have to.
Jill said,
June 15, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Stepfamilies can be so interconnected in ways that stretch so hard and feel so unnatural.
At the risk of sounding really really annoying, beyond resisting the urge to diss an ex, sometimes it can be helpful to make lists of things we appreciate and even love about the other parent… Even if we don’t share them with anyone. Just to help ourselves remember that we’re connected to another human being, as hard as that connection can be sometimes.
For the record, I am very lucky in with our situation and with the warmth and love the kids’ mom has extended to me. She is an amazing person. It’s still challenging to share as much of each others’ lives as stepfamilies sometimes demand. We keep working and growing together, though. It’s never a finished process.
Pinks & Blues Girls said,
June 20, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Very interesting… will have to read. My father was married before he married my mom and had 2 sons with his ex-wife. I always respected the fact thay my father never dissed his ex-wife to my brothers. Class act he is.
Thanks for the post!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls