03.20.07

New Column Out - Stepmoms, Finding Our Place at the Table

Posted in Dawn's Life, Perspectives at 11:26 am by Dawn Miller

My new column went out last night and talks about my encounter with a mob of moms at a scrapbook store a few weeks ago - and delves into finding your place as a stepmom within a culture of moms. Read the column here.

I have to admit - I was pretty excited about visiting the scrapbook store for my first “crop” as a new scrapbooker. I took up the hobby after Christmas in the name of adding more balance to my life - i needed a hobby that was not writing, public relations, consulting, career, or dissertation-related. Something that would help me relax. We received a boatload of photos of the kids in their younger years after my husband’s mother passed away - and I wanted to create new albums for them that celebrate their lives. And for my husband too - his ex refuses to share the older photos of the kids with him and is a highly dis-organized person - I think she has spent the last six years “looking for them.” We all know where that boat’s going.  

Armed with tiny treasure trove of photos I trotted off to the scrapbook store for a little R&R at a weekly crop - it’s basically where scrapbookers work on their projects in a “studio” and socialize. Then I met the moms - who weren’t sure how to handle a stepmom - and my little bubble of enthusiasm burst a teeny bit, because I didn’t feel like I was entirely welcome, and I’m not sure they knew what to do with me, either. It was a bit like Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Yet I can’t say that my experience is all that unique - lots of stepmoms have shared similar stories with me - where they enter events designed for and by parents that don’t feel open to their inclusion as part of a community that cares about youth. I think there are a lot of reasons this happens - some of it is that parent-centric groups aren’t used to stepfamilies, some of it is our own discomfort or lack of confidence. But I do think it is absolutely critical for us to be at those meetings and part of those conversations.

My husband nagged me for probably two weeks to write about this. He knows me so well. He knows I would let something like that fester for a long time - and writing will get it out of my system.

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