Today’s tragedy at Virginia Tech University with 33 people dead and more than 15 wounded, has stunned us all with its senseless brutality and horror. It’s the worst shooting massacre in the history of our country, and this “College Columbine” has left all of us saddened and somber.

For many, college is the first solid flight from and nudge out of the protective parental nest. We send our children off with hope for the future, and we picture a university as a safe place where they encounter new ideas and people. We obsess over finding extra long sheets for the dormitory, stocking up on cooking utensils, and buying the right parking pass.

When we sent my oldest stepson off to college we worried that he might party too much or hate his major. We were so worried about the potential for fire in the rickety apartment he rented on an avenue known for post-game celebrations – that we gave him two smoke alarms, a fire extinguisher, and a rope escape ladder.

As parents, we fret over what we can control, because we don’t want to admit that we are really worried about the factors in our children’s lives that are completely out of our hands. We know that try as we might - we can’t keep them safe.

None of us want to imagine the unthinkable - that a young life filled with promise and potential could be snuffed out in an instant with horrific brutality and violence. For some families today – those nightmares have come true – their children are gone – lost to a madman’s rampage. They deserve our sympathy and support in what will be trying and grief-stricken days to come.

There should be and will be lots of discussion about what happened today in Blacksburg. There have already been timelines and speculation about who knew what when, and accusatory security experts pointing fingers in hindsight, amid a media spotlight. They are discussions that we need to have – and are obligated to have. But it’s ultimately a futile discussion.

All our investigations will never help us really understand the brutality of what happened in Blacksburg today. There’s something unfathomable about it, as we struggle to make sense of what can’t be understood.

We expect for violence to happen in war-torn Iraq, not on a college campus. I worry reflexively far more about the safety of my brother in Baghdad, than I do about my stepson in an off-campus apartment in a college town.

In times like these that we need to cling to what’s important in life. After we heard about the shootings this morning at Virginia Tech, we called my stepson at college just to hear his voice and know that he’s ok. Fearful of a copycat incident in the days ahead, his dad asked him to be extra careful while going to class and on campus. He’ll be careful he says, and reassures us that he’s ok.

We wish so many others could have the same conversations with their children. Our thoughts and prayers are with them tonight.

Dawn Miller writes a column on life in blended families at thestepfamilylife.com. 
Visit Dawn's blog for a daily dose of life in the blender.
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