It’s hard to believe that Labor Day is here and school is back in session. If you’re not a morning person and living in a stepfamily - how do you survive the chaos that back to school brings to the mornings?

I am not Mary Sunshine in the morning – I’m more like prophet of gloom. Even with such a bad morning attitude, there’s a few tricks I’ve learned to help manage the chaos and keep me on good relations with my stepfamily:

1. Prep, prep, prep. Logistical confusion is always what throws me and my schedule off kilter. Make your life easier – set out or deal with anything you can the night before. The night before a school day, check your child or stepchild’s backpack. Make sure they have assignments, supplies, permission slips and lunch money. Do what it takes to make life easier. Everyone in my house has enough underwear to last two weeks without any laundry effort. And I don’t view lunch money as a cop-out – it’s a sanity-saver.
2. Don’t assume clarity - just assume that you will have forward momentum. I tend to focus on commuting and time in the morning, and can easily forget to grab my cell phone, remind a stepchild about an afternoon pick-up and collect my lunch. If I have to gather stuff from several spots or check on something before leaving – I write myself a sticky note and attach it to my purse or briefcase. You may also need to add to the list things your stepchild needs to remember – like a science fair project or critical assignment.
3. Life has enough surprises – don’t allow being disorganized to spring a few more. Be organized and use a calendar. It may seem simple-minded to jot obvious things in your calendar like your stepchild’s custody schedule or parent-teacher night – but if you want to be involved in a child’s life (or at least one who knows that dinner has to be late on a particular night), then you need to know the school calendar. Most school districts have websites with calendars and many teachers will also set up email lists for parents and stepparents with critical dates and assignments. Review your calendar each night for the following day – some people even use a color coding system for different members of the family. You may want to post a family calendar in a high-traffic area in your home so everyone can see upcoming events. If you share custody, keep the other household in the loop on important dates and assignments – student projects often overlap custody schedules – meaning that a poster begun at one house might be finished at the other.
4. Make sure homework is completed the night before and is really done by the student. Review with your child or stepchild any homework assignments and offer to help them if needed. Building good study habits now will benefit them later in life. Set up a study area in your home – such as the kitchen table or a desk, and set guidelines for when homework should be completed. Don’t try to show up the other household with a grandiose science project. The goal of the assignment is for the child to learn – not for your ego to swell.
5. Get everyone to bed at a decent hour. This can be especially difficult in stepfamilies, where sometimes a part-time custody arrangement has led to bed time “slipping” or not being enforced. If you lost bed time somewhere last summer – find it pronto. New research studies are showing that children and teens need plenty of sleep – so get the gang and yourself settled at a reasonable hour so everyone can get at least 8 hours of sleep.
6. Finally, talk to the child in the morning and make sure they start the day with a healthy emotional and physical outlook. Try to eat a healthy breakfast. In our family that might mean cereal on your own or breakfast bars in the car with orange juice – but that’s better than ju-ju fruits or nothing at all. Even if both you and the kids are not morning people, try to talk to each other – even if it is only in the car while driving to school or waiting for the bus. If you have one of those surly teens who kind of grunts at you – be pleasant and wish them well with their day – but don’t let their grumpiness sour you. Because of custody schedule changes, it can be especially critical for children in blended families to have a strong sense of their plans for the day.

Surviving the morning blues can be rough – but even your stepfamily can survive back to school.

Dawn Miller writes a column on life in blended families at thestepfamilylife.com. 
Visit Dawn's blog for a daily dose of life in the blender.
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